The maid of honor just puked.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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