the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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