is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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