Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
