I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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