what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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