SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
