The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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