I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
