i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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