so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
