I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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