maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
