there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
