I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
