I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
