so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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