remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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