At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
