the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
