I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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