I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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