So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
