i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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