Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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