if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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