you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
