I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
