True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
