Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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