WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
