dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
