he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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