Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
