took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
well you can't waste a boner
worst night to have a conscience
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
