perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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