BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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