how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I supernannyed him into submission
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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