I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
