Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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