there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize