I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
