Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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