If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
