It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
