I accidentally had phone sex last night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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