he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
did you just send me my own nude
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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