Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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