i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need water and some morals
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
