They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
