I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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