She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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