Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize