If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We got so high we made milksteak
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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