Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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