She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
