i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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