I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
