My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
