If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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