i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
