i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Randomize
