Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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