Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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