she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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