FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
