You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
