Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
