So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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