White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
