remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
