Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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