I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You may now shotgun with the bride
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
