Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
