I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
