That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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