I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
organizing the empties. That sober.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
