i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
