I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
