Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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