Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
