evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
