i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You work out of a Hotel?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Boobs speak an international language.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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