Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
