Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
well you can't waste a boner
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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