Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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