My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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