he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
