Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
