So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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