thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
