booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
