I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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