remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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