Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
