my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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