After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
