I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
